You Can Have It All — But Not All at Once

The guilt, the pressure, the juggling act… it’s breaking us, and it’s time we stopped pretending we can do everything perfectly.

The end of summer, and the impending return to school and work, but for working mothers this can be a time of extreme anxiety. The motherhood versus career debate feels as polarising as ever. Working mothers are criticized for "abandoning" their children. Stay-at-home mothers are dismissed as having "given up" their ambitions. Both sides feel judged, both feel defensive, and everyone seems to have an opinion about what women should do.

But here's what I've learned after decades of navigating this impossible balance as a single mother and sole breadwinner: We can have it all — just not all at once.

When my marriage ended, I suddenly found myself in a position I never expected: the only parent responsible for everything. There was no choice about working — I was the sole provider. Bills didn't pause for school plays, mortgages didn't care about sick days, and there was no partner to tag in when I was overwhelmed.

The guilt was crushing and constant. On days when I was laser-focused on a work deadline, I'd worry I wasn't present enough for my children. When I left the office early for a parent-teacher conference, I'd stress about falling behind professionally. I felt like I was failing at both — never quite enough at work, never quite enough at home.

I took on fractional and part-time roles, and developed my personal training business, which gave me flexibility, but came with trade-offs. Less money, fewer advancement opportunities, constant juggling. There were mornings I'd answer emails while making breakfast, evenings I'd review reports while helping with homework. I was physically present but mentally scattered, trying to be everything to everyone.

The breaking point came during a particularly hectic week when my daughter asked me to help with a school project. I was there, sitting next to her, but I was also responding to texts and thinking about tomorrow's presentation. She looked up at me and said, "Mom, it’s ok if you have to work, I can do this on my own" She was 10 and she could feel that I wasn’t present, she could feel my anxiety.

That moment changed everything.

I realized that quality trumps quantity every single time. My children didn't need me to be available 24/7, distracted and stressed. They needed me to be fully present when I was with them — even if those moments were shorter and less frequent than I'd ideally want.

I started being more intentional. When I was with my kids, my phone went away. Work stayed at work. I carved out sacred time — bedtime stories, weekend morning pancakes, picnics in the living room, car ride conversations and lessons about music genres — where I was completely theirs. And when I was working, I gave that my full attention too, knowing it was what provided for our family.

This shift didn't happen overnight, and it certainly wasn't perfect. There were still moments of overwhelming guilt, still days when everything felt like it was falling apart. But gradually, I noticed something: my children seemed more settled, more secure. They knew that when they had my attention, they really had it.

Years later, when my kids were settled in high school and university, I felt ready for a new challenge. That's when I launched Baby2Body, my health tech company focused on maternal wellness. I was in my forties, starting over in an industry dominated by twentysomething entrepreneurs, and frankly terrified. Had I missed my window? Was I too old, too out of touch with the fast-paced startup world?

What I discovered was quite the opposite. Those years of single motherhood and career juggling hadn't been wasted time — they had been my MBA. I understood my target market intimately because I'd lived it. I had developed incredible resilience, the ability to make quick decisions under pressure, and the skill to prioritise ruthlessly when resources were limited. Most importantly, I was ready in a way I never could have been in my twenties or thirties.

Building Baby2Body while my children were older meant I could finally give a professional endeavor the focus it deserved. The irony wasn't lost on me — I was creating a company to support mothers during their most vulnerable time, informed by my own experience of feeling unsupported and overwhelmed.

This isn't about diminishing the experiences of women who've successfully balanced demanding careers with young children, or those who've had the luxury of choosing to stay home full-time. Every path is valid. This is about expanding our definition of what success looks like and when it can happen.

There is no perfect choice. As a single mother, I didn't have the luxury of stepping away completely, but I also couldn't lean fully into my career the way my childless friends/ colleagues could. I also HAD to work, unlike some of my wealthier friends. I had to find a third way — messy, imperfect, but ultimately mine.

What we need is less judgment and more support. Support for the single mother trying to make it to every school event while keeping her job. Support for the working mother rushing from boardroom to playground. Support for the entrepreneur starting her company at forty-five. Support for any woman making impossible choices with limited resources and endless responsibility.

The conversation shouldn't be about whether women can "have it all." It should be about creating systems and a society that actually supports the reality of women's lives — where flexibility isn't a luxury but a standard, where career gaps aren't penalised but understood, where starting over later in life is celebrated rather than questioned.

Because the truth is, there's no single "right" way to navigate motherhood and career, especially when you're doing it alone. There's only the path that keeps your family fed, your children loved, and your dreams alive — even if they have to wait their turn.

We can have it all. Just not all at once. And sometimes, that forced sequencing leads us exactly where we need to be.

PS- a shout out to an amazing community of Mums who support other Mums who are building businesses, of which I am proud to be an Ambassador.

The MOB is a mission-led community working to close the wealth gap and reduce the impact of the motherhood penalty — by helping mums build financial wellbeing, career and business success, and more secure futures.

Whether you’re a mum growing a business, restarting a career, or simply figuring out what’s next — the MOB is here to make sure motherhood isn’t a barrier. It’s part of your power. 💪

Through expert-led workshops, peer support, and a vibrant network of female founders, The MOB creates meaningful business opportunities, leadership development, and practical education — all designed to support ambitious mums taking action.

More info on The MOB can be found here: https://www.mumswhobuild.com